“Who am I to be blind, pretending not to see their needs..”
When my husband married me he knew I’d been through some tough stuff, to keep it simple. I’m sure he could tell that there were things we’d have to work through, but he didn’t care. When he married me he never once-not even once-brought up my past and how it would affect us. We talked about it, he’d help me through things, he’d laugh with me and help me feel like less of a cracked pot.
He saw me just with love.
Fast forward 4 years later and he still loves me, and is still crazy patient with all of the stuff I have going on with depression, anxiety, self loathing, ADD, I mean I’m a hot mess I can go on and on..but like-WHO CAN’T??
That’s my point today, is that we all have stuff going on, but does that mean we deserve love any less?
So about a year ago, I began to think about fostering children. My whole life I knew I wanted to adopt, but never verbalized it to anyone. Fostering scared me. It had horrible stigmas and I’d honestly never heard a good thing said about it to me from anyone that I can remember. People would talk behind foster families’ backs.
The kids had no chance- they were viewed like a stain on an old worn out shirt walking around the hallways. I didn’t witness bullying, but I think not befriending someone is enough to be hurtful. They can feel that.
I felt for these kids in their situations and wished them the best, but I never got to know any of them very well. Finally a year ago my head recognized this in me (with the prompting of the Lord) and I decided to seek out if it would be right for my family. I had done a lot of research on adoption, my Grandma’s adopted, a few of my closest friends are adopted and to me, adoption was a huge form of love I was so confused why people feared it so greatly. I hadn’t researched foster care at all.
Then I realized, I was doing the same thing to foster kids that a lot of folks do towards adoption.
I feared them, without knowing anything about it except the negative things I’d heard others say.
One day I realized, everyone in their own way has issues.
Anyone could come from a bad family and be hard to handle, fostered or not. We can marry them and love them for who they are, why couldn’t we do that with a child? Some people say they could only adopt an infant because they wouldn’t want all the baggage the older children have. Some people say foster kids have baggage they don’t want to bring into their families or are too worried to have their heart break when they have to let them go again.
I get all of this.
But Quentin L. Cook says, “Live by faith, not by fear.”
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).
God doesn’t give us fear-that’s the other guy.
So my challenge to you is to break down those walls of fear. Open your heart up to new possibilities with faith, not fear. You’ll be shocked about where this will lead you.
And PS-this blogpost in no way is saying foster kids have baggage, I’m just calling out the stigma against them and hoping to open some hearts that were closed. ❤
“I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love…”