It’s almost 1 am. But when I get the itch to write, it means I can’t sleep anyways so I may as well type this bad boy up.
I want to talk about posts about our significant others. Why do we do it?
I think sometimes it’s because want validation from others that our relationship is great, not from our actual person we are in a relationship with.
Last year I stopped writing the “Josh and Cody chronicles” because I didn’t want to feed into that area anymore. Although I think it’s great (sometimes overbearing but usually very cute) to see wonderful couples out there sharing their cute loves stories, I felt impressed to be quiet for a minute.
When our Anniversary came around I was actually stressed about what I would say! I didn’t want to brag, I didn’t want to be negative by any means, but I did want to be authentic. After I wrote my post I felt guilty. Guilty for saying that we struggle sometimes. Guilty for it not just being like: “We are so amazing all the time whoohoo”. For some reason, I felt like because I had done that, it was disrespectful to my relationship because on your anniversary you should just say nice things. There’s no right or wrong to that, I think it’s a personal decision, either way, I felt bad.
So then when I got back from Thanksgiving at my folks after going to my bestie’s wedding in NC and leaving Josh in PA.. I had felt sad we weren’t able to spend Thanksgiving together. So when he picked me up with my favorite sunflower seeds and played with Peter and gave him a bath, and put him to bed..I felt so touched I shared it online.
But then I thought-why am I sharing this??
Is it because I need validation/compliments/reassurance that my husband and I are still ok even though I left him for a week and a half? (Not left him just went to the wedding) Ya, that’s why I did it. Of course I thanked Josh in person, but who the crap cares he did all that? I think I wanted people to know that I love him.
But why do I need people to know that? I felt bad because the past year I had tried to be silent about the good things and times we had had together. So I questioned why I had stopped.
In the end, I’m still pondering this whole thing. I think it’s important to see couples stay together, making it work. I think it’s healthy to know that others have arguments, disagreements and struggles, but that they still want to stay together-even when it gets so very hard. I want to hear more of that. That is what I’m saying. I do feel like the only one doing it at times.
So I’ve decided my stance is this: To write this blog and share with you that this past year was hard with Josh’s schooling. He didn’t handle it well. I’ve struggled with not knowing how to help him. I’ve struggled with feeling like the continual outsider with friends. I’ve felt sorry for myself and insecure about our marriage and what others thought of it. I wasn’t sharing all the wonderful times so what if they thought there weren’t wonderful times?
But I’ve also found that our love grows even deeper as we have good talks, good cries, and lots of good long hugs and my all time favorite, cuddles!
There is something I feel so strongly about and that’s how much we have grown closer, when we realize we disagree, when we are struggling and we talk about it, alone, face to face.. and afterwards it is like the love just increases ten-fold. It was like before there was less hope and then by the end there is not just hope, but an abundance of joy in the relationship we have.
I hope you respect the tender thoughts I’ve shared today. I know Josh may be embarrassed of how honest I am with people. But I truly believe if we stop hiding so many of our feelings, there would be less pressure on all of us for this fake perfection. Or even just not saying anything at all.
So find what works for you, I’ve got more to share but I’ll talk to yall later. 🙂