I have to make a disclaimer that I don’t want this to be one of those blog posts where I tell you all the things I am grateful for (because I’m about to) and instead of it benefiting your life it just makes you feel bad and think that your life is somehow not as good as mine and I am secretly writing this just to make myself feel better about my life. Nope that’s not what I’m trying to do. I hope it doesn’t make you feel inferior or sad in any way. Bear with me here.
Today I had one of those days that threw me for a loop, to say the least. I was turned upside down, eaten, chewed up, and spit out flat on my face. I was in shambles. But, I was quickly able to turn to my friends for help and then when my husband came home he made everything feel ok again. It made me stop and think, as I was trying to scrub soap scum off my tub, that I actually do have it all. I have the life I always dreamed of.
Now remember-this isn’t yay for me I’m gonna brag all about my amazing life blog. Hear me out. I worked SO HARD for this. 10 years ago I was a little emo teenager sitting in my room crying over my journal writing all the things I wish I had in my life I wrote that I wanted a friend that was there for me, who supported me, and who loved me. Someone that made me feel good about myself just by loving me. I wanted to be held and respected and above all, appreciated. I wanted these things in my future husband.
Today after my baby had finally fallen asleep after 5 hours of screaming and waiting for his Dad to come home, I was able to finally finish cleaning my tub and have some moments to think about the day. This is when it dawned on me; I did have a husband that was all those things. The family I had always dreamed I would have, I had. I don’t need gifts or tokens of appreciation..I just needed my husband to hold me and reassure me that I am a good Mom and I’m doing my best, and he sees that. (Don’t worry we have our disagreements too)
We are far from rich. We have the ugliest apartment out of any of my friends in town..we have two dinky old civics and a kitchen table that you can’t screw in the top and 2 ugly broken kitchen chairs and we can’t afford to go on vacation any time soon but to me, we have everything I always wanted and I am grateful for it.
Lots of people may look at blessings as gifts that were not worked for. I believe God may give us blessings we might not deserve or have worked for, but I know that my husband and my baby boy, I did do all I could to have them. Not that I could have them without God, no I’m not saying that. But I am saying that when I was in a dark place in my life, God picked me up and brushed me off and together we made plans and goals, all of which I have achieved.
Today when I was in shambles and Josh came home he instantly brought me happiness, love and affection. He held Peter and I watched them play together and laugh together and then later Josh and I cuddled on the couch and he told me things that made all my hurt go away.
So what is my point? My point is you can have it all too. What are the things that are most important to you? What do you want most in life? Write it down, write down how you will achieve them and go get it. Sometimes they won’t come when we want, sometimes we have to wait and suffer a little but you’ll get there. I know it. It’s been a long hard road for me..I know on the surface you may doubt that and I’m not trying to act like a martyr! I’m just saying, I know you can have it all because I have hit rock bottom and am now living the life I always dreamed of. I know I am blessed, I know God is the reason I am here. But He didn’t just hand it to me, we did it together.
Life is what you make of it..and I am determined to make it the best life ever.