Don’t worry, I’m not here to yell at you. I’m not going to tell you the typical view of pro-life folks, even though I do agree with them. Today I want to remind you of what you already know. You are amazing and can do anything.
Many people focus on how abortion is taking a baby’s life away but have had a chance to consider what that does to you..on the inside after having an abortion? I’m not even referring to physically..although some women after abortions may not be able to have babies in the future or have other complications. That is something to be aware of but also how you will feel after having an abortion is important as well. There is no way to prepare you for this event. You are a woman and a mother and as such have a nurturing gene in you somewhere that will hurt if not fall to pieces after an abortion. Abortion is often very focused on the baby which like I said is obviously important, but are you ready to go through this yourself?
I would imagine usually with abortion, it isn’t with women who have a loving husband by their side, that maybe you are alone in this. Maybe you had a breakup or a fling or aren’t certain who the father is. That is probably what has lead you to consider abortion as many other reasons as well. Try to not let others sway you into thinking that abortion is the right answer for you and that you can’t do this alone. You are stronger than you know. You can carry this baby, you don’t need a way out.
If you think that carrying this child alone will be hard..think about how hard it will be on you to go through an abortion alone. You are a loving caring woman. You are naturally sensitive and aware of others needs and want to help them. The impact of an abortion is more than some women can bear. Post Abortion Stress Syndrome is a real thing. I hardly hear anyone mention it. The effects of an abortion can be very intense and incredbily damaging to a woman. A few side effects could be:
- Self-harm, strong suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts
- Increase in dangerous and/or unhealthy activities (alcohol/drug abuse, anorexia/bulimia, compulsive over-eating, cutting, casual and indifferent sex and other inappropriate risk-taking behaviors)
- Depression that is stronger than just ‘a little sadness or the blues’
- Inability to perform normal self-care activities
- Inability to function normally in her job or in school
- Inability to take care of or relate to her existing children or function normally in her other relationships (i.e. with a spouse, partner, other family member or friends)
- A desire to immediately get pregnant and ‘replace’ the baby that was aborted, even when all the circumstances that led her to ‘choose abortion’ the first time are still in place.
Just to name a few. Usually after an abortion relief is the first feeling. Sometimes these other feelings set in even months after an abortion. However, there is help out there for women who struggle with this. At the bottom of the blog I have put a few links for recourses. Just like having an abortion, healing cannot be done alone either.
I am telling you this because I care about other women in this world. I know what it feels like to be alone and scared in a situation I felt was uncontrollable. It is not as bad as it seems. When you are alone and scared the future is daunting, and you just want to look for a way out. But I will be honest with you and say sometimes what sounds like the easy way out, can also be the most detrimental. You can’t predict how you will handle an abortion. You may have convinced yourself that it is for the best. That you can’t take the 9 months to carry it. You have no way to pay for the baby. You need to work and provide for whomever and a baby would just be impossible. I can only guess what your situation is. But I can promise you, that you will not regret carrying this baby. You are a strong woman. You don’t need to cop-out. If that man is gone than fine, you can do this. God is here for you if no one else. If you don’t believe in God, don’t worry I know He loves you and will watch over you.
Yes having a pregnancy is rough and hard and terrifying, especially alone, but don’t listen to the negativity. Bringing life into this world is not a bad thing, but a beautiful miracle. Adoption is a wonderful answer. In fact, I view women that give their baby to another family to adopt as some of the most brave women of all. It is a beautiful selfless act that takes immense courage, but is so worth it for all involved. Adoption in itself is also a beautiful miracle. I myself have several friends who were adopted and are grateful that their parents loved them enough to give them to another family to raise them. My own grandmother was adopted. Adoption is not shameful but wonderful. You may worry they will hate you and resent you if you give them away, but if adoption is your choice, than it is what is best for them, and they will come to understand that. I would not worry about that at all. To put them in the hands of a loving family..there is no greater gift you could give them.
So in short. Be brave. Carry this baby through full term. Decide if you want to keep the baby or give him or her to another family. Those are the options that will bring you peace and joy. Those are the decisions that will not haunt you and damage you beyond belief. I won’t pretend to know what it feels like to make these choices. But I do know others that have. I can promise you that abortion will not be the easy solution. It will stick with you forever. It is unnecessary. If you love yourself and respect yourself, birth this baby. Bring the baby into the world. You will never regret that.
But also please remember, I will not judge you for whichever choice you make or have made. Please seek help if you choose to have an abortion or have had one. You may be struggling more than you allow yourself to be aware of. If you have a child out of wedlock it may be hard because other people can be rude and judgmental. Please don’t listen to them. Listen to the people that really do care about you, even if they may be few.
And remember, you can always talk to God for healing and hope and to feel His love. He will always love you. I know, because I have felt that love when I thought I was unworthy to even talk to Him. He is always there and you can and should talk to Him.
Sharon Osbourne talking about her abortion “I had an abortion at 17 and it was the worst thing I ever did . . .”
If you know of more recourses for women, please feel free to post those in the comment section.
Cody Paige's Party! The Blog 
Where are your helpful articles on how to cope after choosing adoption, who to turn to when you just can’t put one foot in front of the other because you’re so overwhelmed with grief. You could copy the bullet points from choosing abortion and list after adoption too.
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Great idea! And yes the links are above in blue. I will put a title above them! After Abortion
Understanding Abortion Relief and the Recovery Process
Peace After Abortion
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You misread – I’m speaking about after adoption – not abortion.
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I will start the research 🙂
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Thank you to even being open to the grief re adoption for mothers (and father’s too), it’s unusual to say the least. Some things to get you started on learning there is a very real price paid if you choose adoption…but do find blogs of first mothers, birth mothers – all views from those still in the early stages to those 20-30 years out too.
Click to access Birth_Parents_in_the_Adoption_Process.pdf
Click to access f_impact.pdf
http://www.americanadoptioncongress.org/grief_portuesi_article.php
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=11454
At the end of the day family preservation is still the best solution to an unplanned pregnancy…for everyone…
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Thank you so much for this! This is perfect.
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I gave birth to a stillborn full term baby. She died because the cord was around her neck. I felt all the feelings you listed for those who have an abortion.. The death of a child dependent on you to survive is extremely difficult to overcome, even if it isn’t your fault. I can’t imagine the extra pain it would have been if I had chosen her death. I often wonder how women make it post abortion.
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