There’s this disease I had growing up that I just couldn’t get rid of. I was unaware of it in the beginning of my youth but as I got older I became more aware of it, and just couldn’t’ find the antidote. It was being addicted to dating Bad Boys. Or The Bad Boy Disease. What is it with women that just crave a boy who will treat them like crap? Seriously someone explain this phenomenon to me. (I spelled that word right on my first try!) I remember telling myself ok enough with the bad boys, and earnestly striving to find a good boy and ending up dating a psychopath. Seriously that’s what happened. It was like even though I was trying to find a good guy, I kept getting fooled by this facade.
I told my friend this morning that now that I’ve been married, it’s like the mysterious cloud has disappeared from guys for me. When my friends date a guy I can more easily tell if he’s a tool or not a tool. It’s a really cool gift. Of course, they don’t actually believe me and I get really frustrated and watch them get hurt and come back to me months later saying ya we finally broke up and I try really hard not to say, told ya so. I can save you a few months out of your life, I should charge a small fee.
Anyways so my point? My point is women are often suckers for this bad boy and don’t even realize it. If they do they cannot help but keep dating the bad boy who may not look so bad on the outside to them, but to me I’m like COME ON!!!! I want to just scream IT’S SO FREAKING OBVIOUS HE IS A TOTAL TOOL WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!! But I get it, I was in your shoes a few years back and luckily found a guy who is not a tool. (I use the word tool because I want to keep my blog free from bad words haha) I just got really lucky I guess.
But I will be honest with you, some girls will never be able to find themselves liking a guy that isn’t a jerk..at least some of the time. It’s true. You can’t be swooned by a guy who is sweeter than you and doesn’t have a bone of rudeness in him. The nice guys finish last thing can be very true in that way. But you also gotta stop yourself and think, do I really want to be treated badly my whole life? OR would you rather have a guy who will actually treat you like the queen you are! (Yup I said it) The answer is obvious, yes Cody of course I want to date a guy who would treat me well, why wouldn’t I? And I will respond to you, well consciously yes you want a guy like that, but really you are just a sucker for a jerk and will put up with crap from him because he’s hott and treats you ok every other day which is long enough to keep you holding on.
There are two different kinds of bad boys. One you can spot a mile away. They have the tough guy persona, maybe have a rockin bod and some sweet tats. You know what you are getting into with them. You know they don’t want a relationship but you just wanna hook up with them anyways. Maybe you think you can change them..have fun with that. So we aren’t gonna go there because you know you are a dating a bad boy..it’s not hard to figure out. I wanna focus on the other type of bad boy.
The next kind of bad boy is the one who puts on a facade that he is a good boy. This is the type of guy I can now see in plain daylight thanks to my new magical power. I see you sneaking jerk boys!! Beware I am onto you. Unlike your traditional bad boy, he cannot be seen to the untrained eye. He usually dresses well, has facial hair and thinks he’s the..you know.. but won’t openly say that. He often times is not going very far in his life and compensates for it by controlling women because he can’t control other aspects of his life. I am totally serious about this. They are manipulative and dangerous. They are confused about who they are and what they want, but you may not see that.
This guy is the one that at first seems awesome! He could take you on a really cool date like rock climbing and show off his hott bod and you are just totally swooning. They are very good at making you swoon. They are charmers. He gets you captivated so you ignore all the obvious (obvious to me at least) signs that he is not the one you are looking for. If I could I would totally pull a Jedi mind trick on you right now and say this is not the boy you are looking for. Move on.
The good (really rare) thing about this undercover bad boy is that sometimes, just like the typical bad boy, he can have a change of heart. He can find a girl that can help him see the light, but often even if he has good intentions, he may continue to struggle with his inner bad boy and in turn, your relationship will be very rocky. Some days he will be really sweet and wonderful, and the next a jerk. This is the confusing boy you find once you have passed the initial getting to know you phase of dating. This side doesn’t come out until..well it just depends on the boy. But it will come out and but by that time he’s suckered you in! The confusing boy who doesn’t know what he wants and therefore holds you on his back burner because he knows you are a great girl but doesn’t want to lose you but isn’t ready for commitment or whatever his stupid problem is.
Now this is not to say this is a bad guy. That’s what is so sneaky about him. He has a heart, he does care and he even told you he wasn’t ready for a relationship because he probably doesn’t want to hurt you! But he will and it is best for you to stay away from him. He does need to figure himself out. But until then, he can’t drag you along with him while he figures it out.
Solution? You self diagnose yourself. You admit you have a problem and these guys, although very hott, are not the kind you want. You move on girl. This can be the most empowering thing you can do for your bad boy disease. You fight through the fog of hott sexy boy lust and realize wow, I really do deserve better. You read my rant of he’s just not that into you and think, but my boy is different, he does care about me he just..got out of a bad relationship. Think again sister, he isn’t different. Don’t make excuses for him. Don’t take his crap. So then you move on. It’s hard and you wanna still text him and oh but he was such a good kisser and watching a chick flick just makes you wanna be held..but fight that urge girl. You are better than that!
So this comes to the crucial part. You date a boy you would never date before. You go outside the box. You find a boy that maybe you don’t even think “he’s that hott” at first..but has an awesome personality. He’s fun and funny and actually..he’s pretty hott you just didn’t notice it at first. He actually calls you when he says he will. He isn’t afraid to be mushy and it’s completely adorable and then your eyes are opened and ta-daaaaa!!! You found him! The bad boy disease can begin to leave your system. Or maybe it takes a few tries.
Just go out on a first date with a guy if he asks you, even if you aren’t attracted to him. (Be safe!!) Even if you find you aren’t into him, at least you gave him a shot. At least he took you out on a nice date and you had fun. If you aren’t into him, be kind to him and move to the next one. (Read my dating tips blog)
Now, I dunno if the disease every really goes away 100%. But I really do think the cure is to say yes to a date than you wouldn’t have before. To try something different. Really different. I mean go out with the nerdiest sweetest boy you can find. It can change your life. Changed mine. I am now happily married to a nerdy smart goofy loving boy who has his moments because nobody’s perfect..but is not a tool. He actually has a really good heart and is really sweet and if you read the letters he wrote me on my mission, even the sappiest girl may want to throw up.
There ya have it ladies. Now go dump that sucker and go date the nerds! (But you may not have been actually dating that sucker because he didn’t wanna put a label on it) I promise it will work. It worked for me and I was a total lost cause.
A simple diagnoses from Dr. Cody Paige
He didn’t call you when he said he would
A) He “forgot”
B) He didn’t have time
C) He is so sorry he totally fell asleep
D) Didn’t even try to make an excuse
Translation: He probably just didn’t want to and knew he could just make an excuse and you would forgive him
Simpler translation: He’s Just Not That Into You
Why you are not Official
A) He doesn’t wanna put a label on anything right now
B) He just got out of a bad relationship and needs some time
C) He is really focused on (school) (work) (figuring himself out) right now
D) He wants you both to date other people
E) He doesn’t want anything serious right now
Translation: He isn’t sure he wants to date you yet but likes you so he doesn’t want to let you go either
Simpler translation: He’s Just Not That Into You
Kisses you, but doesn’t see you the day after
I’ll make this simple: Unless this boy had to get on a plane to fly to Iraq the next day.. if he really cared, he would want to kiss you the next morning the second he woke up. (well actually he can brush his teeth first) You know what, even if he was flying to Iraq the next day, if he really was into you he probably would stop by your house that morning just for one last kiss. Yes they do exist ladies you gotta believe me!!
Why your date got rescheduled
A) Somethin else came up and he’s really sorry and you will do something tomorrow night
B) He is really tired from work
C) He has a ton of tests and homework he has to study for
D) Whatever excuse I don’t even care what it was
Translation: He found something better to do and doesn’t want to put effort into the relationship that you are willing to put into it
Simpler translation: He’s Just Not That Into You
Advice: If this happens more than once, it’s not a coincidence. He’s a tool.
You might be into bad boys if..
- You are always the first to text him or call him or invite him to something. Seriously, think about it. If not always I bet 90% of the time you are putting yourself out there more than him
- You are in a long distance relationship and you are the one traveling to see him
- You put up with anything crappy he does because to you it’s worth the moments he’s sweet
I’m tired of this game, just admit he’s a jerk already and believe me!!! Thanks. Saves me some time.