My last blog post was all about the happy times the last week I was in Utah before I left. Although it was bittersweet I still look back and think of it as a very joyful time. Leaving Josh was not easy but I knew it was right. Even though the week I left he got to see Something Corporate in concert in SLC and it still ticks me off (seriously ticks me off)..I’m glad I left. (Maybe I could have left a week later..)
As you may remember, my best friend from NC Laura, was in town. My last night in Logan was spent with her and Josh going to eat and the fair. That night was hard. I think we were both sad and didn’t know where to place that sadness so it was hard to be happy. I don’t really remember much of that night. I just remember him dropping me off on the front steps of my aunt’s house as he did every night that summer. I remember not wanting to say goodbye and feeling like I was yet again in a Nicholas Sparks movie, where the summer has come to an end and so must our summer love. (Don’t throw up too much ok) The sappiest part was also the saddest part.
When I finally said goodbye and shut the door I heard a gentle knock and opened the door again and there he was still standing at the door. He had this sad pathetic expression on his face like someone killed his puppy. It probably took me another 10 minutes to finally shut the door again, and finally say Goodbye. He later told me he sat on those steps of my Aunt’s house for longer then he cared to admit before he finally headed home.
It actually still makes me tear up to this day thinking about it. It was really, really hard. I mean if I had stayed we could have gotten married and things would have been easier but the thing you need to understand is that my mission was what I had wanted my whole life. It wasn’t for me. I knew it was something I had to do. I didn’t leave Josh selfishly.
If I was selfish I would have stayed and had the wedding and been a heck of a lot skinnier in my wedding dress then post mission! But it wasn’t the time.If you know something is right and true you do it no matter how hard it is. I knew that the life I had been given was something I wanted others to have, to have the gospel in their lives. I had prayed about it and I knew it was true and I knew that I needed to take time out of my life to help others see the happiness they could have in their lives. I also knew (90% knew) that Josh would wait for me. (Spoiler alert: He did.) So it would all work out.
The next day Laura and my family drove down to SLC together. We all were driving back to NC after Carley’s wedding so we made a tourist stop in SLC at Temple Square. Although leaving Josh was so hard, I felt so good that it was right. Spending time in Temple Square I was sad but I was mostly just really peaceful and excited for what was to come. You know when something feels right it just feels so good! When we stayed the night in St. George at my Aunt Jerri’s house I did call Josh and I’m pretty sure I did cry a lil and missed him tons already. But that’s ok. Just because things are scary and hard and sad doesn’t mean they aren’t worth the greater things to come.
Our travel cross country was a lot of fun. We also stopped at the Grand Canyon and listened to my new Mo-Tab cds I got for my mission in SLC. Laura and I were listening to Mo-Tab in her car and looking around at the majesty of Arizona and we talked about how beautiful God created this earth. We talked about how grateful we were for our families. We talked about how amazing our lives are and we are truly blessed. Life is full of beautiful moments that are to be cherished.
Laura also can tell you that it was super hard not to mention Josh every 5 seconds on our trip back and she started counting how many times I mentioned him so I said she better stop talking about cherries so much because it was borderline obsessive too. So she counted how many times I said Josh and I counted how many times she mentioned cherries. I lost because Laura is not obsessed with cherries.
(Yes, that’s me way far away from the edge at the Grand Canyon because I am terrified of heights)