You can judge all you want but Josh and I had a whirlwind summer romance. ‘Good things take time, great things happen at all once’. (Rat Race) It was pretty much a dream come true for me. I now personally believe God is a romantic. He knew I would enjoy my love story. Josh and I were inseparable the rest of the summer. I literally saw him every single day those few months in Logan and it was the happiest time of my life. We both went to work in the morning and got off around the same time in the afternoon. He’d come and pick me up after we showered and ate and then we’d go play! Every night was an adventure from hiking to tandem bike rides to long boarding dates we were hardly inside at all. Come to think of it, I can only remember watching two movies that entire summer.
About a month into our relationship it became clear to me that I loved this boy. I had never really loved a boy before. I knew when I fell in love with my future husband it would just click and make sense. Once in high school my friend Laura had asked me if she thought I had met my future husband yet. I didn’t hesitate to say of course not! I knew when I met my future husband, I would know. It would just make sense. And that’s how it happened.
It didn’t just hit me one day that I loved Josh, it came on gradually, but swift. I’d never told anyone I loved them, and neither had Josh.
This was a pretty big deal and I was nervous but I was getting to the point where I was dying to tell him!
One night we went to Kellen’s house to jump on his trampoline. We laid down and looked up at the stars and then I fell asleep. I had no idea that once I fell asleep, Josh whispered in my ear that he loved me. (We don’t count that because I didn’t hear it. But Josh loves to claim he told me first) Little did he know that the next day I told him I loved him too. It happened when were up at the same park of our first kiss, laying on some blankets with friends watching the Pioneer Day fireworks. Everytime Josh kissed me I would sneakily mouth the words I love you but he didn’t notice.
That Sunday evening after church we headed up to where he was staying at Kellen’s. We went to his room and were talking about some pretty serious things. Suddenly, Josh got up and said, “I have to show you something” and pulled out his scriptures. I had no idea what to expect at this point. He explained that when he got home from his mission he wrote down three things he wanted in his future wife.
(This is the part it gets pretty personal)
He began reading off this tiny sheet hidden in between the pages of his scriptures. (It’s still in there)
1) The first thing on the list was that he wanted to act the same way even if she (his future wife) wasn’t there. Josh told me he went to a gas station to grab a breakfast snack but when he went to pay there was no store clerk. He yelled but no one answered or came to help him. He was late for work so he just put the money on the counter and left, hoping that would be ok. He explained that he thought of me while he was there and that helped him make that decision. He said I make him want to be a better person even when I am not around. I was so touched by that sweet story.
He went on.
2) The second thing was that he still had to love God more than her. It was important to him to put God first and care about what God wanted primarily. Hearing him say this struck me because I always told myself I would love God more than anyone and wanted my husband to feel the same way. That’s the way I chose to live my life. God gave me life and everything I have including my spouse. We had never discussed this before but I was very meaningful to me that he shared this same desire.
3) The third and final thing he said looking me right in the eye. He said that he would need to love her more than himself. He took my hand and told me, “Cody, I love you more than I love myself.” I immediately replied, “I love you too Josh.” I didn’t even see it coming, but it was so natural. It wasn’t forced, I wasn’t scared, it was just..meant to be. I felt like I was on a cloud. Someone had finally told me they loved me and I felt the same way.
I knew I had found my soul mate. When people say they don’t exist or say that you can marry anyone and have a wonderful relationship I say ok that could be true..but it’s a good better best kind of situation. I found the best.
That moment sitting there in his room was one of the most special moments of my life. I look at it as one of those defining moments in my life where everything that led me up to that point was worth it. I finally found a boy who knew what he had, and I couldn’t have found a better boy for me. We loved each other. Real love. For the right reasons. The right way. He loved me! He loved who I was. We made each other better. We made each other happy. We didn’t keep things from each other, we didn’t play games, fight or treat one another badly.
I look back on that little emo 17 year old girl sitting alone on her bed writing poems of her hopeless romantic life, wishing for someone who would treat her right. Someone who wouldn’t say “you’d be better if..” or pushing me to be someone I wasn’t. 4 years late I finally found the boy who wanted me for who I was, and it was worth the wait.
There is always someone out there who will treat you like the royalty you are. I know that now. I hoped for it before, and I got it. It was worth the wait. There is someone for everyone. I was so glad I didn’t just settle.
I knew I deserved better. (best!)
It’s kinda cool too that we both saved our “I love you’s” for each other too. I like that.