Pornography: Is it really that big of a deal?

I am posting this blog because obviously I feel this is something that needs to be discussed. Take it however you want, but keep in mind:

I am merely informing and stating my opinion, not condemning souls.

A very good Ted Talk:
(More good Ted Talks at the bottom of the blog)

Watch this informative video:

This article is a must read! Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads’ mag editor MARTIN DAUBNE
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TV  shows and movies commonly make jokes or a references to watching porn, with mainly male usage. It is a topic that is almost completely used lightly and jokingly and believed by some to be natural or even necessary. I cannot possibly imagine any real benefits that come from pornography, but I certainly know there are negative affects of it’s usage.

Growing up I really didn’t see the harm in it at all. I figured most boys did it and that was fine, although the LDS church frequently warns all of the harms of pornography, I rarely took it seriously. I figured I was a girl, it simply didn’t apply to me, and it couldn’t possibly be as big of a deal as they made it out to seem. Obviously, I feel differently about this now.

The details of what brought me to this point are really unnecessary but just know, they were life changing. I came to know that porn not only can be harmful to the user, but those in relationships tied to the user. My view changed as I began to see the effects it had on loved ones and friends. I began to see loving and caring people become angry and show bi-polar type characteristics. I saw feelings of guilt and shame tucked away by aggression and jokes. I saw feelings of jealousy by their partners and spouses that perhaps this act was infidelity after all. I began to wonder if this natural and necessary pass-time was as big of a joke as it had always seemed.

I have found most of us are not aware of the effects of pornography, let alone that it can be in itself an addiction comparable to a drug addiction.

I am writing this to warn and help prevent harm that may befall any of us. Hopefully this helps open some eyes and soften some hearts to change.

Let me begin with this haunting video of Ted Bundy’s final interview before his execution for 31 murders and rapes he committed.

(the shortened version)

I highly recommend watching the full version

(Full version)

In this interview he talks about what started his path to these hideous crimes, and explains that it began when he was younger, with an addiction to pornography. Now I am in no way saying that an addiction to porn will lead you to be a serial killer. But what I am trying to convey is something that is thought to be ‘harmless’ and ‘natural’ can actually be severely harmful.

In the movie he states,

“[I had a] small but very potent very destructive segment of [my life] that i kept very secret and very close to myself.  It happens in stages, gradually. Once you become addicted to it, you keep craving something which is harder, which gives you a greater sense of excitement.

..I’m no social scientist, but I’ve lived in prison for a long time now, and I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence just like me, and

without exception every one of them was deeply involved in pornography,

without question, without exception, deeply influenced and consumed by an addiction to pornography.

..The most common interest among serial killers is pornography.

..Pornography can snatch a kid out of any house today, it snatched me out of my home 20, 30 years ago. as diligent as my parents were, and they were diligent in protecting their children and as good christian home as we had..there is no protection against the kind of influences that are lose in a society that tolerates [pornography].”

This man was interviewed the day before he was sentenced to death. When asked what led him on this path he explained that it began with an addiction to pornography at a young age. In the longer interview he says that he believes his life would have been quite different if it wasn’t for this addiction to porn. Whether that is true or not, we may never know..but that is what he believes started it all.

I find it very critical to keep in mind that this man was about to die, and he decided to talk about the addiction to pornography he had throughout his life and try to warn others of it’s trap.

If you were about to die..what would you decide to speak on?

I find this terrifying. As a society we are becoming more and more lenient and accepting and even celebrate the use of pornography. Something that is not only adulterous but harmful to one’s self as well.

It only causes harm, there is no good that comes from it.

It is not a joke or a game, trust me. Wake up. Don’t fall for it.

Listen to yourself, deep down you know this is true.

I am not writing this for my own agenda. I am writing this because I truly fear that and understand the danger and harm it is causing in almost every home of this world. It sickens me to think of the poor boys and girls that are affected by this. I worry about the families that are destroyed by this. I write this because I have seen the problems it can cause, and I can also see the happiness that can come from abstaining from pornography in all forms.

…

Later he continues on saying that this addiction led him to view violent pornography which furthered him on his way to committing these crimes. He also states in the longer interview how shocked he is by what he sees on movies now about the intense thrillers that show violence particularly to women. I personally had not given this much thought, but it is something to watch out for as well.

He explains that this began with a tiny seed of an addiction to just soft core porn, which got increasingly worse. I find this similar to how weed is considered a gateway drug. One does not usually decide to try drugs like crack or cocaine without first trying weed. I think pornography is that gateway to worse things as well.

Porn is destructive in very small discrete ways. It may be considered as harmless at the time, but it leads you further away from your loved ones, and more into a selfish, sick world. A talk was given by Elder Holland where he begins how he met three women in an airport who told him they were all divorced from men who were unfaithful to them where they all started with an addiction to pornography. Is this a mere coincidence? Hardly.  Lusting after other women is the same whether it is in real life or in a computer screen. Mere lust may not sound bad, but if that is where you began, where do you think you will end up?

I served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for 18 months in Northern California. One day we decided to talk to some boys at the local park that were playing basketball. We sat them down with a Survey and asked them to fill it out anonymously. It was about pornography. After the papers were collected we asked them if they wished to answer what they thought about pornography in general. Most of them starting laughing and joking around about it describing it as though it was video game.

We continued on discussing different aspects of it while they continued in a pretty light hearted manner. One boy told me he started ‘pretty late’ looking at porn at the age of 16. Most said they started around 8 or 10 years old. Another told me he started looking when he found a magazine under his Dad’s bed. But all of them, told us they had seen it on more then one occasion. As we talked I realized that these boys were sometimes encouraged to look at porn..that it was part of the growing up process in their view and it was the cool thing to do and was healthy for them, in their eyes.

After we discussed this a bit, I asked them if I could tell a personal experience. I told them I had a friend who was abused by different boyfriends who were addicted to pornography. I explained that these were not evil boys that she met in random places, but boys she trusted and cared about, who took advantage of her. She told me they were all very open about their use of pornography and she didn’t make the connection until later on. These boys and their addiction to pornography was an influence in their manipulation with this girl. Pornography had taken a toll on them.

Pornography can destroy you. You become a slave to it. Some men become addicts and force others to do what they’ve seen. This is not real life. No woman can compete with the unrealistic life in the porn world. It is not real love. Sex is not on this earth for pure pleasure. It is for a combination of love, respect, loyalty, companionship and of course, creating life. (View my blog on sexual intimacy) I explained to these boys that a lot of child molesters and sexual crimes are caused by men who claimed their problem started with an addiction to pornography.

I told these boys I don’t view these men that abused my friend as evil. Some have overcome it after much hard work and are now happier more loving men. I told them there is always hope for pornography addiction. (Refer to the links listed at the end) It does not make you a horrible person. God loves you, you are His son, and nothing can change that.

Pornography is as addictive as drugs, if not more. Some men have claimed that it is even harder to quit than cocaine. Studies have shown that the use of pornography has the same affect on the brain as the use of cocaine as well. Think about it, if they want to continue a healthy sexual relationship with their spouse pornography would be pretty hard to get rid of and move on from.

I told these boys that these images they see are not lifeless creatures. They are women. They are not to be viewed as objects. They are someone’s mom, sister, friend, cousin or daughter. Sexual intercourse is not be viewed for pleasure..it is a sacred act to be used only between a husband and wife and not to be shared for anyone else to view. Not all women that are stars in porn videos even come out claiming they are as empowered as some say they feel. Many fall into deep depression after involvement in pornography and some have even been found to take their own lives. (I read this in an article recently but can’t find it now if someone could help me find it again that would be great.)

Some boys said they were addicted and that it makes you look at every girl and wonder what she looks like underneath her clothing. They agreed you start to see the world differently, but not in a good way.

A few boys said they believed in God. I told them if you believe in God-you have to believe in the devil. He is as real as God is. Satan wants to make you miserable. That is his whole plan. He wants you to become addicted to things that start out as a mere curiosity that turns into an addiction and leaves you feeling miserable, like him.

On the survey we had a question discussing whether or not you think it is ok to view porn while dating someone. Most said yes and others said they would even if they were married. One boy asked what if she didn’t want to have sex with him that night, and told us he probably would resort to porn if she didn’t.

Pornography is infidelity. There is no way around it. You are visualizing sexual intercourse with another woman. Do not lie to yourself.

As we had this intense but loving discussion, the boys seemed to have perhaps a change of view.

A couple boys told me that they feel miserable after they watch it. One boy said:

“Everyone knows it’s wrong deep down..if it wasn’t wrong you wouldn’t have to look at it in a dark room alone.” The boys then agreed that pornography is not a good thing.

These are not bad kids, they are just some random handful of kids from high school.
I would guess most of them have never been taught that porn is bad or even addictive or destructive.

Porn is a drug. You can’t erase those thoughts that go into your head.

You will never be satisfied from looking at pornography. You are far better off without it.

Pornography comes in all forms, not just on xxx sites. Movies now portray people having sex and have very illicit scenes. Women barely wear clothing in movies, tv shows and magazine covers. TV shows are sometimes based on sex in general. It’s not called porn but don’t fool yourself and say it isn’t, it’s just in different stages.

Although I cannot say what happened to each boy after that day, I can say that they became more aware of what they were dealing with. I think the real damage being done in our society is that it is not talked about as something that is destructive, but something that is helpful. This could not be more misleading and disturbing. If one takes the time to do any research at all they will find quickly that there is nothing good that could possibly come from looking at pornography. That is a fact. Deny it all you want, convince yourself otherwise but it is a filthy disease.

I have not kept in touch with all the boys from that day, but one did tell me he went home later and threw away all his porn. He told me months later he was still going strong, and I couldn’t be more happy for him.

I have read several articles on pornography supporting pornography and some against. I read an article from a man named Anthony D’Amato who argued that since the increase of pornography rape had gone down. He used a statistic that said since 1970 rape had gone down 85%! Brilliant right? He also claimed “No scientist had ever found that pornography raised the probability of rape.” Well luckily, I read an article by Judith Reisman who said that Pornography does not only increase rape, but also had the stats to back it up. Apparently the statistic D’Amato used did not even count rapes under the age of 12! So children under 12 can’t be raped? Furthermore, rape hotlines and centers for the abused do not report their numbers to the police. Adding on to that how many of us know a rape victim who never came forward and told the police? I can name several off the top of my head. My last point on this statistic he used: is rape the only statistic worth counting? Should not sexual assaults also be included? Reisman also pointed out a very shocking statistic found by the FBI Index of Crime that reported a 418 percent increase in forcible rape from 1960 to 1999. 418%!!! How completely ridiculous to assume that rape had not gone up since the increase of porn usage and availability.

Reisman also pointed out that what sex criminals usually copy what they see in their porn videos. Several different sex killers claimed they mimicked what they witnessed while looking at porn. Now let’s take a step back to Mr. D’Amato proclaiming that no scientist found a correlation from pornography to the probability of rape. These scientists must have merely skipped over some of these FBI reports and obviously didn’t talk to the men (or women) causing these rapes that claimed porn did in fact have something to do with it.

There is of course many more articles and studies that need to be done on this matter. But what I do know is that almost every person I have ever talked to about pornography, has told me they knew someone very close to them that had an addiction to it. This is real life. This is a real problem. If we continue to pretend it is a joke it will only be able to harm more people. Every time I look up statistics the ages for looking at porn get younger and younger and the pornography gets worse and more available, rampant, and common.

If you agree with me-speak out against it. Share this blog, email it, post it on your wall or privately to a friend. Talk to those you love about it. Speak out against disgusting ads and don’t support inappropriate movies and shows. Don’t allow this to infiltrate into your home.

There are many recourses for help for addicts. There is a recovery center for addicts now in St. George Utah. It is called Desert Solace and is a wonderful, affordable program. There is the 12 step Addiction Recovery Program conducted at many LDS meeting houses where people of all faiths and walks of life are welcomed to join.

However, as a Christian, I feel that the best way to combat any addiction is through Christ. He alone can lift our burdens and make them light. I know that is true because I have seen it happen in hundreds of lives, but in also myself. If you feel alone and are afraid to turn to anyone, try turning to God. Get on your knees and pray. I promise you will feel His love, hope and guidance.

Whether you believe in God or not, to give up pornography can be very difficult, but worth it. It’s not something that usually can be done alone either. But I do know that your life can be happier, your love life more satisfying if you chose to abstain from it. Be honest with yourself, you will be better off without it.

Place No More For the Enemy of my Soul

Fapstronauts: NoFap hosts challenges in which users abstain from pornography and masturbation for a period of time. Whether your goal is casual participation in a monthly challenge as a test of self-control, or whether excessive masturbation or pornography has become a problem in your life and you want to quit for a longer period of time, you will find a supportive community and plenty of resources here.

Combatting Pornography

A Tragic Evil Among Us talk by President Gordan B. Hinckley

How a man overcame his addiction to pornography

To the tender wives

Hope and healing for pornography addiction

Help LDS porn addicts

Recovering from my husband’s porn addiction

Overcoming pornography

My missionary blogpost on pornography

Study Shows Porn Could be Bad For the Brain

More Ted Talks on Porn: (Some of these are graphic in speech)

The Great Porn Experiment

Why Giving is Better than Porn

The Demise of Guys?

Everyday Sexism