I waited to have sex until I was married. I have no shame in it, actually I am quite proud of that fact. I will borderline brag my butt off about it actually because it is so rare these days and I think it’s awesome that I did. Did I toot my own horn? Sure did.
I made the decision when I was very young. I wasn’t even sure why I made the decision, I just made it. It was pretty easy when I got older and was feeling pressured to change that decision to flat out say, “Nope, waiting till I’m married”. But I don’t really think it was because of the sex ed classes that taught me I could get an STD or AIDS. I don’t even think it was because I was LDS and taught that was what God wanted. I did it because it was what I knew I wanted to do, and what I wanted my future husband to do as well.
As most Christians, I know what God tells us will make us happy (aka-commandments) but I still don’t always follow along. Typical. But this one, this was different. There was no way I would ever ever ever EVER change my mind about it. It was like my inner spirit that remembered the life before was telling me-this is different then the other rules, just don’t even think about it or you would regret it forever. I always knew my husband would ‘wait’ for me, and I for him.
Not to say this wasn’t easy. No, I had hormones like every typical teenager. I sought love in hopeless places. I wanted to be held and told I was beautiful like every other girl. But I just wasn’t willing to sacrifice something that meant so much to me, to try to get one fleeting moment of feeling loved and desired.
In high school I had no idea what sex really meant, but I knew it wasn’t something to just hand over to some stupid high school boy that would tell me whatever I wanted to hear so he could get some. Now that I have experienced it with the love of my life, I understand fully why The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints teaches us to wait until we are married and why our schools teach us about the possible repercussions of that decision, and why Mean Girls tells us that we will get pregnant.. and die. The scare tactic may work for others, but for me it was deeper and so much more important than fear, it was more about my love for myself, and for my future husband.
I wanted him to have all of my love, and not have to share it with others and I, his.
Every teenage girl needs to understand that we all feel lonely. We all feel un-pretty at times, if not every day. It’s ok, you are not alone. Sleeping with a boy will not change that! In fact, I have seen it do just the opposite countless times to my friends. They try sleeping with a guy to feel loved and beautiful and end up the next morning crying because they feel even worse. Sex does not promise you eternal love and happiness. It is an act that shows that you promise your partner eternal love and happiness.
So my opinion is that very similar to an Apostle in my church. (Jeffery R. Holland’s talk on Sexual Intercourse) Sex is an act meant to be shared with someone you are married to and will love forever and be with forever. It is an action that exudes the ultimate ways of affection. It is the way we can create life, a pure miracle. If you chose to do this act with multiple partners, you are displaying these emotions, most likely unknowingly, only to give that person a piece of yourself. You are sharing yourself with another person, emotionally, physically and very, intimately, only to let them walk out of your life, perhaps never to be seen again.
If you went to the club tonight, met a guy (or girl) you thought was cute, started kissing him, would you tell him you loved him? Wanted to spend the rest of your life with him? Told him how many kids you wanted and where you wanted to settle down..? Probably not..that’s kind of weird. I think sex is all of those words without saying them, but physically displaying them. Actions speak louder than words they say, and often take longer to heal.
I knew I didn’t want to have to tell my future husband I had been with other men for the same reason I didn’t want to have to hear he was with other women. I want all of my husband, and only him. I don’t want to share him or have to constantly worry if I am better then his past women. For my husband and I, we grew and bonded together in a way that only we have together, no one else has that relationship we have, and we treasure it. It’s so beautiful and perfect and I wouldn’t give that up for anything-or anyone.
Come to think of it, I don’t know a single person that ‘waited’ until they were married to regret it and say, “You know what? I should have slept with that high school boy that I don’t keep in touch with anymore. I wish I hadn’t saved myself for my husband, what a waste”.
Plus, having sex is not a hard thing to do. When people brag about all the sex that they’ve had, or when they lost their virginity..it’s really not a game or a competition. It’s sad really that someone would throw away something like that to be more accepted by their fellow peers. I am fairly confident that any teenager-and I mean ANY teenager could find someone to have sex with them if they wanted to. The real prize and the real admiration for a person for me comes when they actually hold back on their passions and their sexual feelings. Every teenager has them. And every teenager can also hold them back. (Read more on my views on masturbation and pornography) Bridling up your passions is hard to do, but is good for you. When two people in love and with a lot of physical attraction decide to wait that is the time to brag! (But don’t until later like me!) That to me shows real love and dedication and respect to oneself. You try being madly in love with someone and knowing you are going to marry them in just a few months and hold back..it is dangerous! But it can be done, I know cuz I did it..well not it. You know what I mean.
Now I must mention something that has hurt me to see. I have seen the side affects of having sex with multiple partners, and also choosing to have sex too early. Most of the people I love and care about who lost their virginity in high school did not have the fondest memories about it then and when they looked back years later. It really does affect people. Some lose their virginity so young it damages them in ways they don’t fully understand. I have seen young girls lose it to a boy they hardly cared about just because they felt pressured. I have seen young boys do the same because they thought they couldn’t leave high school being a virgin!
Most people I have spoken to about this told me they wished they waited. I am talkin about random people at parties, people I know well and not so well. In college around my sophomore year my friends and acquaintances started realizing that drinking and having sex with whomever really wasn’t all it was cut out to be. They told me this, I didn’t convince them. When I told them I was a virgin they were impressed. They were the ones saying things like, dang I wish I could do that or I wish my future wife and I could share that bond. You would think that they would make fun of me right? Like in high school. That’s the great thing to me about college, you become a little less dumb. Don’t make these big life changing decisions that you will regret later. You’ll start to get it more once you get older and your hormones don’t crowd your brain as much anymore 😉
Why is it so shameful? Do you not understand how easy it is to find someone to have sex with? It is nothing to brag about. We all could lose our v-cards fairly early and then what? Does that make you cooler, or better than someone who such as myself waited until they were 23? No it does not. Think about the consequences to yourself, and your future spouse. It affects you more than you know. If you do sleep around with multiple partners, then what is sex to you? Just another thing to do, instead of an act of love and true affection. It’s an animal instinct instead of a beautiful sacred demonstration of your love. Yes you can still do this when you are married, but I truly believe it means more, when you treasure it and hold onto it and not give it away to just anyone. Not to mention you may get an STD. You could get HIV. It is real, it happens. I know people that have them. Safe sex is real too, and is probable.
It is possible to wait for marriage, and it is worth it for all reasons involved.
My view is, say you do sleep together, get a dog together, get a house together, have a kid together, and then get married. What’s left? It’s just a piece of paper to sign and a big party. Not to come off rude, but I find the opposite (as in getting married first) to be showing much more love, faith and devotion in a person. The other way is saying, I am not sure yet..and so I won’t buy you a ring, or promise anything until I’m sure..so I could leave you at any moment. Ouch. Not to mention, the divorce rate is higher if started out living together as opposed to getting married first, then cohabitation. But you could always beat the odds!
I think around us sex is portrayed as a sport, as solely for enjoyment and pleasure and the intimate love part is an added bonus. If you chose to use it that way, you are missing out on the most sensual part of sex. The love. I am with my husband with 100% trust and devotion. I know he would never cheat on me, leave me, and especially, beat me. We are honest and true to one another, and that my friends, sorry to sound crude, makes the sex even better. It’s a fact-women enjoy sex more and climax easier when they feel safe, loved, and beautiful.
Look it up, married people have better sex, and more often . Not to mention safe sex. My husband and I practice 100% safe sex..and yes I like to brag.
Also, let’s take a minute not to think of ourselves, but others that could be affected by this sex. You could have a child. This is not a pet, or a toy. This child is a human being. You two can create that with your actions that could have nothing to do with love. How would you have wanted to come into the world? Through love or lust? Through marriage or shared visitation rights? Let’s make life more simple people, not harder.
The heart breaking thing to me is that I feel like I am one of the few people that understands this concept. I wish that others could understand the magnitude of sexual intercourse and how if they would just be patient, use some self restraint..it would change everything. Waiting to get married isn’t something to be mocked or ridiculed, it is virtuous.
So in case you’re wondering..I have no regrets ‘waiting’ for my husband. Not one. I didn’t ever regeret it or doubt it, but in case you are, trust me..it’s worth it.
I hope everyone reading this knows I mean no judgmental feelings or anything negative feelings towards those who do not feel the same way I do. I couldn’t be more the opposite. I know that I may have said things that may have come off offensive to some, and even those I care about. I truly hope not. But, I simply wish to explain why I feel it is something worth doing, and why I feel it will do any person good to wait to have sex until marriage. I don’t care if you believe in God or not, if you care about yourself and or your future spouse..wait.
It will be so much more beautiful than you could ever imagine if you do.
Click here to read a newspaper article about this same topic.